Pat Benatar said it best, love is a battlefield. I mean, there really is no other way to describe the world of dating, is there? You’re either crushing on someone who doesn’t know you exist, trying at all costs to avoid your stalker, or googling how much willpower it takes to actually take a vow of celibacy.
‘You’ll find it when you’re not looking.’ is probably one of the worst pieces of advice of all time. Hands up if one of your smug coupled up friends has said this to you before as an almost sympathetic pat on the shoulder as you unashamedly say that you’re still single.
Don’t get me wrong, I get the idea. People say when you stop desperately trying to find love the universe thinks it would be hilarious and ironic to have cupid show up on your doorstep - just when you started thinking love was never going to happen!
But why should you have to ‘give up’ to find what you’re looking for? This goes against everything we are taught growing up. Consistency and persistence are the well known keys to success. So, why is it that, with our love lives, it’s seen as the wrong approach, or almost desperate to actively search for love? Why is waiting patiently and putting love on the backburner deemed a better idea than going out and getting it yourself?
I hate to break it to you, but Cupid is not going to come knocking on your door, and princes don’t ride around on white horses searching for sleeping girls to kiss (because in reality that would be creepy!)
When you’re in the midst of a breakup it can feel a lot like your world is crumbling around you. All your plans for the future vanish, everything you thought you knew seems like a lie and somehow amongst all your sadness you have to figure out how to be okay again, how to be okay on your own.
The Shrinking Guest List
5 Reasons you are losing friends as you get older and why it isn't a bad thing
The colleagues you spend all day every day with, are they friends or just acquaintances? Your childhood best friend whom you haven't spoken to in years but you can’t imagine her not being at your wedding. Or your entire friendship group from school who at one point were your BFF’s but you are probably only in contact with 2 of them.
If you ponder on it too long you start to realise that your 16 year old self was so much more popular than your adult self. But the reassuring truth is the people that stuck around in your life or the friends you have made as an adult, they are the true gems. There may be less of them but your adult friendships are so much more meaningful and true than the futile friendships of your youth and here’s why:
How many of you have played the hypothetical wedding guest list game? Maybe you’ve not gone as far as writing it down but I am sure we have all pondered over who our bridesmaid would be and who from school would actually make the list. Or maybe some of you are much further along than me and have made your real wedding guest list. Having to write down on paper everyone in your life is a difficult game and it throws up a lot of questions.