• Georgie Parkin

Do You Really Love Him or do You Love Being Loved?

5 warning signs that might mean you love how they make you feel a lot more than you love them.

Have you ever wanted something so bad you almost trick yourself into thinking you have it? Have you ever loved being loved more than the person you are supposed to be in love with?

I truly believe that being in love is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. People say love is a drug, that it’s addictive, that it can give you a natural high and make you feel like nothing or no one can bring you down from it. No wonder we all crave it. But how do you know if it’s that feeling you crave and that high that you live for or it’s you are truly in love with a person, their flaws, their quirks, their imperfections, all of it. Or do you simply love the way they make you feel?

It sounds self absorbed to think that you can be in love with being loved but I actually don’t think it is at all. We all need love, whether it’s the platonic love we get from our friends, the unconditional love we get from our parents or the romantic love we get or hope to get from a partner. Humans need to be loved. There’s nothing quite like the look they give you from across the room, they look at you like no one ever has before and you just know that they would give you the world. That look is enough to live off. But do you look at them the same way?

Love is strong and powerful and sometimes it can even be blinding. When someone loves you so intently it can be difficult to unscramble your feelings about them from the feeling you get when they look at you. Everyone loves to be loved. So much so that it can sometimes convince us that we love them back.

Here’s some warning signs that you might actually be in love with being loved instead of the person loving you.

1. You don't really know them

To love someone means to love all of them, their annoying habits, their weird taste in music, that sound they make when they sleep, their hope, their fears and their dreams. You know this person almost as well as you know yourself. There may be parts you don’t like but you love them regardless. Loving them goes way beyond the way they make you feel. Not only do you love the way they look at you but you catch yourself looking at them in the exact same way. You truly see them for who they are, not just the way they make you feel.

2. You only miss them when you’re alone

I’m sure everyone would much rather spend time with someone who loves them than be alone on a Friday night. But someone you love back, you’ll think about even when you’re not alone. Have you ever been on holidays with your friends, doing something amazing or seeing something amazing and you can’t wait to tell your partner all about it? Although you wouldn’t rather be anywhere else than having a blast with your friends, a part of you misses them and can’t wait to get home to them. You think about them even when you’re busy and when you’re having fun, not just when you’re sad and lonely and need your next hit of their love to cheer you up.

3. Part of you wonders what else it out there

You can't shake the feeling that there might be someone better out there. Maybe you’re happy and content but your head still turns when a cute guy walks into a room or you get butterflies when a colleague at work flirts with you in the tea room. It may even be subconscious but a part of you doesn’t feel completely settled and you can’t help but wonder if there is a greater love out there, a love that never causes your head to turn or your mind to wonder.

4. You aren’t putting in much effort

You know they love you and you see the way they look at you so you don’t have to try anymore. You relax into their love and just let things be. But when you love someone back you will never stop trying to show them that. You will want to make them smile, hear about their day and above all make them feel as loved as you do. The effort, the adoration and the love should balance like weighing scales. If their side is weighed down and you’re light as a feather then maybe you don’t truly love them like they love you.

5. Their emotions don’t really bother you

I'm sure you have heard couples (mainly in movies) say ridiculously soppy things about sharing a heart or ‘what you feel I feel.’ I’m not saying it should be that intense but when you really love someone you truly care about how they feel. Their sadness becomes your sadness, their fears become your fears. You worry about them and want more than anything for them to be happy or to get the promotion or win the football. You feel things for them, with them. If you love being loved more than the person chances are you aren’t all that in tune with their feelings. Their sadness bothers you no more than someone’s on TV or the guy from down the road.

There is nothing wrong with loving love, and there is nothing wrong with loving the way someone makes you feel. It’s easy to become so entranced by their love you think you might feel it too. Sometimes you need to take a step back and think about your feelings towards them. You can care deeply about someone and fancy them like crazy but is it love? Do you look at them and see your whole future? Do you look at them and feel an indescribable feeling that can only be explained as complete euphoria mixed with a little fear and a lot of happiness. It’s one thing seeing that when they look at you but do you feel it when you look at them?