How to Heal a Broken Heart
When you’re in the midst of a breakup it can feel a lot like your world is crumbling around you. All your plans for the future vanish, everything you thought you knew seems like a lie and somehow amongst all your sadness you have to figure out how to be okay again, how to be okay on your own.
Most of us have or will experience the heartache of a relationship ending at some point in our lives. So take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and you, like all the other women, can and will be okay. You’ll be better than okay, you’ll be great again. It’s just going to take a little bit of time.
It's going to suck until one day it doesn't.
There's no textbook answer or magic cure to healing your broken heart. As much as it sucks, you are going to have to sit with the pain for a while. You need to feel it, you need to cry and be miserable and let yourself feel every single emotion your mind is conjuring up right now. Don’t try to run or hide or kid yourself out of being sad. It may work today and even tomorrow but eventually the heartbreak will catch up with you. Face it now and it will be over quicker.
Unfortunately i'm going to tell you the one answer you probably don’t want to hear. Time heals a broken heart. It's not constructive or particularly helpful but it's the truth. It's going to suck until one day it doesn't.
But whilst you wait for time to work its healing magic here’s what you can do to try and ease the pain and sooth your heart.
1. Talk and talk and talk some more
Some of us like to deal with our pain alone - sit with it and stew over it and internalize it until it goes away. But try talking about it. Try letting it out. Talk to your friends, your mum, your colleagues, anyone who will listen. Voicing how you're feeling can feel like a massive weight has been lifted. You don’t have to go through this alone. You don’t need answers or advice or even a response. You just need someone who will listen. Talking through your feelings can be very cathartic.
2. Let yourself be sad
It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself right now. It’s okay to cry into a tub of ice cream and watch The Notebook on repeat or listen to sad songs over and over until you have no tears left. It's all okay. You don't have to be brave or strong and prove your fierce independence to the world. You don’t owe the world a thing. You owe yourself everything. Sadness does not mean you are weak. Be sad for as long as you need to be, there is no timeline on the process. If you need to spend a few weeks hiding under the duvet with Ben & Jerry then you do you. Everyone's heartbreak healing process is going to be different. No one can tell you when you put down the spoon except you.
3. Remind yourself of all the good in your life
Although it may feel like your entire world has just fallen apart, your relationship was only one tiny part of your life. Shed some light on all the other great things. Your friends, your family, your career, your dog. We are all guilty of putting all our eggs in one basket, or placing all our hopes and dreams on one person. Well you have just got all your eggs back! Go spread them out among all the other wonderful things you’ve maybe neglected slightly. They may have been responsible for a lot of your happiness but they weren’t responsible for all of it. What else in your life makes you happy? Focus on that. Do more of what fills you with joy, of what makes your laugh uncontrollable and smile so much your cheeks hurt.
4. Keep busy
Whilst we are waiting for the magic of time to do it’s thing, a great way to cope in the meantime is to distract yourself. The feelings aren’t going to go away but you can temporarily switch them off if you fill your mind with other things. Once you have given yourself time to cry and mope and wallow, pack your schedule with as much stuff as you can. Throw yourself into your work, join a gym, start dance classes, cooking classes, pottery classes. Go out with friends, listen to music, do a puzzle. Do whatever you need to do to keep busy. It's still okay to feel sad. But feeling sad whilst dancing is much better than feeling sad whilst sitting at home alone.
It can sometimes feel like the sadness of a break up is consuming your entire life. Remember to find joy in the small things. Just because your heart is broken right now it doesn't mean you can’t blast the radio when your favorite song comes on or get lost in a great book or appreciate a sunny day. Good things are still happening all around you, it might just take a while for you to see it again. You will smile again, you will laugh again and you most definitely will find love again.
"Sometimes things need to end for something even more beautiful to begin."