How to Get Closure After a Break up
There is no one size fits all when it comes to closure but it can be a crucial step in the long hard process of letting go.
Having your heart broken is an indescribable feeling. Someone you loved with your whole heart and has loved you back, someone you have built a life with and can’t imagine being without has for whatever reason decided they don’t want to be in this anymore. It’s confusing, it’s painful and the breakup process is not something that’s going to happen overnight. If you have reached the closure stage, congrats! You are very nearly at the end of this seemingly never ending period of your life where all you want to do is eat ice cream and cry into your pillow.
Closure is the last step to finally putting this all behind you. But whatever you do, don’t rush to this step! You need to let yourself just be sad. You need the ice cream and the sad music and the torturing yourself looking at old photos. Let yourself just sit with the sadness for a while, until you're ready to start picking up the pieces. The break up process takes time and it’s going to look different for everyone. Do things when you’re ready to do them.
There’s no right way to do this. There’s no magic cure or step by step guide to getting over heartbreak. And right now it might feel like you never will. But trust me, you will get through this. If you feel you need a little more time to dwell then go get the Ben and Jerry’s and put on Bridget Jones. This post will still be here for you in a few weeks. Or if you are done crying and ready to finally close this chapter of your life and start the next, even more wonderful one, let's get you some closure!
Step 1- Say what you need to say
I really believe that you cannot move on until you have said everything you need to say. And I don’t mean shout and scream and give them a piece of your mind. (but if that’s what you need then go for it!) After a few weeks of trying to come to terms with the situation you probably have a lot you need to get off your chest. Write it down! All of it. Every single thing you want to say to them. Be it sad, be it angry or be it one final love letter. Putting on paper everything that’s been brewing inside you is unbelievable freeing. Once it’s all out of your head you might feel like that’s enough. You might decide to never send it to them. To fold it up and tuck it away or even burn it. Or if you still feel like they need to hear these final words then send it. But remember this is for you not them. This is your closure and your final piece. Do it for you.
Step 2- Make a cons list
This may seem a little harsh but trust me it can come in quite handy when you momentarily regress back to the ice cream phase. Write down all the things you didn’t like about them. Every single thing that annoyed you from their load chewing to their ugly green jumper. And write down the big things too, the fundamental reasons why you weren’t meant to be. It may be hard to do and is definitely best done during the ‘I hate them’ phase because when you get to the ‘I want them back’ phase, a quick glance at this little list can quickly remind you of all the reasons you aren’t supposed to be together.
Step 3 - Delete them on social media
It’s time. I’m sure your friends have been telling you to do this for weeks but you had to get here on your own. You are never going to be able to close this chapter if you are constantly stalking their insta. Hit unfollow and don’t look back. This is a huge, momentous step on the path to closure and you deserve a massive glass of wine after this one.
Step 4 - Get rid of their things
If you haven’t already burnt everything during the ‘I hate them’ phase then it’s time. Not to burn it, but it’s got to go one way or another. Presents you can keep. Their clothes you cannot. It’s also time to delete the photos off your phone. Now, perhaps controversial, but I don’t agree with completely erasing all memory of them. (unless they were a complete arsehole, then you can burn the lot and never look back) However hurt you are now, they were once someone you loved and shared many happy memories with and one day you might be ready to look back and smile instead of cry. Back them up but delete them off your phone. You don’t need to be seeing their face daily but don’t let your current sadness taint the memories forever.
Step 5 - Accept that what will be will be
Acceptance is the hardest but most crucial step to finally getting the closure you need to move on. Accept that they don’t want to be with you anymore. Accept that it’s over. That can be hard to hear and even harder to accept but for whatever reason they were not meant to be your forever. Accept that.
Most importantly know that what is meant to be will always find a way. If you are meant to be with them, then they will find a way back to you and if you’re not, this is a necessary step to finding the person you are meant to be with. Even if you’ve never been a believer in fate or destiny, for now just let go and know that everything happens for a reason. Even if that reason can be hard to find, one day it will come to light and all this pain will have been leading you to exactly where you are meant to be.