The 3 Relationship Connections
According to love experts (yes they are a real thing) there are three different types of connections that can be shared between any two humans. And rumor has it, that to have a successful relationship you need two out of the three connections with your partner.
Finding all three is like winning the love jackpot and apparently is very rare. I am struggling to decide which one I am willing to compromise on. To me, they all seem equally important and will cause equal amounts of problems in their absence. But apparently most of us only get two! Which two would you prioritise?
Being emotionally connected means that you are raw and real around each other. You share your fears, vulnerabilities, hopes and dreams. Not only does your partner listen, they understand and share similar views and values. You understand one another on a deeper level and often they know what you are thinking or feeling without you having to explain.
If you and your partner lack this connection it does not mean the relationship is doomed. You can listen and sympathise without having to empathise. Maybe you are affected completely differently by different things. You might wear your heart on your sleeve and be very open with your emotions whereas they are more closed off and steely. Perhaps heart to hearts and deep chats are just not something you do with your partner. You can still love each other without sharing a deep emotional connection.
This is when you and your partner share values and opinions and are both mentally stimulated by the same things. You don’t have to have identical IQ’s to be intellectually connected but you do have to enjoy discussing, debating and sharing the same sorts of things.
If your relationship lacks this connection you may find one of you becomes bored or you have very little to talk about beyond small talk. You probably have completely different tastes in music, books and films and may find your relationship relies heavily on the physical aspects, with little conversation and discussion. But again, it does not mean the relationship can’t work. You only need two out of three! So if you’re emotionally and physically connected you may find lots of sex and heart to hearts is enough to keep your stimulated!
This goes beyond just being physically attracted to someone. When you’re connected in this way your attraction to one another is deep. You don’t just want to rip their clothes off when they walk into the room, you want to hold them, kiss them, stroke their hair and lie next to them. A physical connection often happens without us realising it or even really working at it. Our body produces hormones when we are around them that cause a deep intimacy and physical bond.
In the absence of physical connection, you might feel like something is missing. You can still be attracted to them and have great sex, but it doesn't go much deeper than that. Maybe they don’t give you butterflies when they look at you or your body doesn't tingle when they touch you - but you can still create the passion in other ways. If your love is based off the other two types of connection, you don’t necessarily need the deep physical connection to make it work.
Finding someone you connect with in all three ways is no easy task. Which connection is most important to you? The absolute must have? It seems too hard to pick but I think deep down we all have something we value slightly ahead of the others.
We so often put all our hopes onto one person, wanting them to fulfill every single aspect of our life. They must comfort us, understand us, share our values and beliefs, stimulate us intellectually, make our heads spin and our loins burn! Maybe it’s unreasonable to expect to get all of that from one person. So perhaps they don’t really get you emotionally so instead you turn to your friends for advice and a good old vent. Or your colleagues are the ones you go to, to discuss books or politics. Whatever connection may be slightly lacking, you can fulfill in other aspects of your life (Perhaps not a good idea to look elsewhere for your physical fix though!).
I also believe that all of these connections can be worked on. A connection is something that runs deep. A bond, an intimacy that you can’t expect to be there from the first date. Just because you don’t have one of these connections now doesn't mean you can’t develop it. If you’re lucky enough to have won the love jackpot, and found all three, then hold on tight, you’ve found gold.