The ‘Three Great Loves’ Theory
Every love was 'meant to be' for one reason or another.
When I first heard this theory (on Sex and The City) I had a mild freak out, declaring that I had had all three loves so would now be alone forever more. I think I even started to name my future cats.
This conversation was fueled by copious amounts of wine, hence the over dramatics. But if you're reading this and have started counting the number of people you have been in love with - realizing you have also had all three - I am here to tell you not to panic!
sometimes, even the greatest loves aren’t supposed to last forever, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t meant to be.
First of all, it’s a theory not fact. It doesn't work the same for everyone. Some people only have one great love. Some people probably have a dozen! For me, the main takeaway from the theory was that each of the three loves serve a purpose in your life. It doesn't mean there hasn't been other loves in between but these three are supposedly the most defining. The GREAT loves.
So don’t panic if you have surpassed three loves a long time ago and, also, don’t panic if you’re still with your first love. Some people’s first love ends up being their second, third and final all in one.
Take this with a pinch of salt and make it work for you. Most importantly, take away the lessons that each love teaches you. It might help you realise that, sometimes, even the greatest loves aren’t supposed to last forever, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t meant to be.
Great Love Number 1 - The Fairytale Love
The first love normally happens when we are young. It's the movie-worthy kind of love we see in chick flicks and hear about in (early) Taylor Swift songs. We are completely swept off our feet and into a whirlwind of deep, passionate love, assuming that it will last forever. It's that all consuming, overly emotional, ‘I can never live without you’ kind of love, and the impact will stay with you forever. click to read The Impact of a First Love
When (or if) this love ends, it shocks us awake and we are forced to face a harsh reality of life; not everything lasts forever. It gives us that rude awakening that we need to realise that life isn’t a fairytale, and love does not always conquer all.
It also teaches us an awful lot about ourselves. We learn how to deal with our first heartbreak, we learn that it’s okay to be alone and we start to learn who we really are without the love of someone else.
Great Love Number 2 - The Difficult Love
This is said to be the love that brings with it the most lessons. The way we learn those lessons will be different for everyone but, often, the second love is an unhealthy - sometimes even manipulative - relationship, and it can bring with it a lot of drama. We experience extreme highs and lows, which is why we stick around for so long; desperately clinging to those highs, vowing that we will not go through another heartbreak.
For most, the second love is the most painful but it’s also the love that gets us so much closer to our lasting love. This relationship teaches us what we really want from love and what we are not willing to put up with. Learning what your deal breakers are is a massive step towards finding a successful relationship. After this love, people tend to get more picky and sure of themselves. Having experienced heartbreak twice, they are much more hesitant to throw themselves at love wholeheartedly. Sometimes, this means people become a little guarded or shut love out for a while. But, it can be a great opportunity to take stock and work out what we really want from a relationship.
Great Love Number 3 - The Lasting Love
This love is often unexpected. A lot of people say that, with their third love, they didn’t swoon or get butterflies when they first locked eyes. This love gently snuck up on them, slowly and steadily; the kind of love where you seem to fit together effortlessly and bring out the absolute best in each other. Often, the third love is with someone we never would have seen ourselves falling for. We need to go through the heartbreaks of our first two loves to realise and appreciate it.
This love isnt the heart pumping, harp playing, Hollywood love you always imagined. It's better. This relationship teaches us that love doesn't have to be passionately kissing in the rain. A peck on a warm summer's day is much more pleasing - and will last a lifetime.
Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, I truly believe that. Sometimes, in the midst of a break up, you can feel like you’ll never love again. Endings are hard, even if the relationship wasn’t making you happy. But try and look for the meaning of it all. Every single failure gets us closer to success. Every single love gets us closer to our lasting love. Great Love number three (or number 10!) is out there. Everything you do - and everyone you love - until then is all part of the journey to finding it.