• Georgie Parkin

Why it's a Massive Red Flag if They Call Their Ex Crazy

Ever been on a date when the dreaded conversation of exes comes up? It's bound to happen at some point. Sometimes, it’s within the first few days of dating and sometimes it’s not until several months into the relationship. No matter the time, if your date starts referring to their ex as ‘crazy’ or a ‘psycho’, it’s time to sound the alarm bells.

How a person speaks about their ex says just as much - if not more - about the speaker than the person they are characterising. On the whole, it’s much better that someone talks about their ex with compassion and kindness, rather than demonising them. This indicates issues to do with blame and their ego.

So, before you buy into the story of their ‘crazy ex’ and jump on the bashing bandwagon, stop for a minute. Think about what this might be saying about your date instead of the so-called ‘crazy girl’ from their past.

What did he do to make her act ‘crazy’?

I’m not saying that crazy people don’t exist but, more often than not, this behaviour that has been dubbed ‘crazy’ is usually a result of a series of events that I’m sure he played a part in. Did the crazy ex go through his phone when he was in the shower or incessantly stalk him on insta?

Ask yourself: what made her feel so insecure and distrusting to do that? If someone was happy in a relationship, and made to feel secure and loved, would there be a need for ‘crazy’ behaviour? It’s not always this black and white, of course, but you should question why their ex acted that way and what led her to the so called irrational behaviour.

It takes two to start a relationship and two to end one

Relationships coming to an end are never one person's fault. Someone has to be unhappy or unsatisfied in the relationship to seek a way out. Maybe your date is trying to shift the blame onto the ex because they are struggling to take responsibility for the part they played in the failed relationship. This is an immature outlook. Every failure teaches you something and, if they aren’t willing to fess up to their mistakes (let alone learn from them!), then you should stay clear. Otherwise, they’ll probably make the exact same mistakes again and you’ll be the one shouldering the blame.

That’s how they talk about someone they used to love

I am definitely a culpurate for using slightly unpleasant words to describe an ex, but that’s normally a result of being hurt and not quite ready to let go. Once the heartbreak subsides, I find it hard to understand how someone can put down and slander someone they once loved. This girl they are calling a psycho used to be the person they kissed, spooned and sent soppy texts to. Now they are sat in a restaurant badmouthing her to their new date! I would definitely be questioning their character if they can openly disrespect and bitch about someone they once loved.

Alternatively it could mean they are still genuinely hurt and not over the ex, so they are deflecting their pain by telling you - and mostly themselves - that she was ‘crazy’ and no good. So you have a heartless man or a heartbroken man. Either way, it’s not looking good for a follow up date.

You could be next

Listen to the words they use when describing their ex: ‘bitch, angry, nasty, crazy, unstable, over emotional, annoying, psycho.’ Now, imagine if your ex is out there describing you that way to his new girlfriend! No one should have their flaws - whether they are real or embellished - talked about behind their back and used to rewrite the history of their relationship. In their warped version of history you could become the ‘crazy girl’ they once dated who asked loads of incessant questions when they brought up their psycho ex. If one of their ex’s was crazy, chances are they think they all were and you could be next.

They probably think they are perfect

If they are placing all the blame for everything that went wrong in their last relationship they probably believe they are completely faultless. ‘She did this to me’ or ‘she ruined everything’ - as if they were a damsel in distress. This guy will probably be the kind of person that thinks every fight is your fault and every mistake is down to you messing something up. Because of course they can do no wrong and are purely the victim of the crazy ex.

It’s hard to know what to believe when the ex isn't there to share her side. That's why talking about exes can often be a risky game. I’m sure in some situations the ex really did lie or cheat or steal and probably really hurt them. But, if they are a decent guy, they won’t let that pain turn into hatred and nastiness. We all mess up, but no one deserves to be called a psycho to a complete stranger.

To quote Bambi ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.’